why didn't you poke me back
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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