oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
