Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
