I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
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