i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
