At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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