I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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