im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
