Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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