I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Fuck appropriateness.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Farmville is her only friend.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
