My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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