The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
