Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I believe in your delicious
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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