bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
