yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Randomize
