If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
