someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
