I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
