But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
