I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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