I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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