Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
