Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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