i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
