Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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