Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
