I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
