erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Randomize
