if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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