I bet he comes in French.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
