he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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