Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
