I hope mine doesn't look like that
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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