In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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