Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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