what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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