Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize
