the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
