I like to think it a success when the cops are called
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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