your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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