Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
