the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
