I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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