Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
