Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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