new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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