4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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