Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
