Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Oh god it's open bar.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
