I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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