This is not my ceiling
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
