I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
