If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
