I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
