I met the friendliest cop last night
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
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