So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
