My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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